Ghost, the Musical

'Ghost the Musical' played to full houses most nights, but - unknown to the delighted audiences - there was an uninvited guest hovering in the rafters. Poppy Rackley grabbed her ghostbusting equipment, captured a fictional ghost, and asked her what she thought of the show...

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I've just had my first night out in years.

Being a ghost myself, I was prepared to be very critical indeed (I'm known to moan - it's how I got my nickname). As the audience entered the auditorium, I headed to the box thingy where the crew sat, so I could have the best seat in the house and no one would know I was there! I'm not a big fan of the living, not since that wretched Olive made fun of my glasses and…oh, I'm getting ahead of myself – back to the show.

As Sam, Molly and Carl entered, and the lights went up to reveal the layout of their flat, I knew the show would be somewhat tolerable. Their American accents were very convincing; we've had a few students transfer from America to Hogwarts, so I had a rough idea of what they sound like. Their singing was rather good as well – better than mine; I prefer complaining, it's much more fun, they should try it.

Sam is rather surprised when he gets shot one night in a dark alley. Personally, I don't know why he was complaining, I got killed by a giant snake…in a toilet! Getting shot seems like a picnic on a Summer’s day compared to that.

Sam learns about his new-found spiritual state from a hospital ghost, and several mournful spirits. I understand their frustration, but at least they get to stay in a hospital and talk to other ghosts; it's extremely boring in my toilet cubicle.

Sam discovered he can’t hold or touch anything (it's terribly inconvenient, especially when the boys come in to the girls’ bathroom and start throwing objects through your head and you can't return the favour).  Every time he tried to pass through a door or hold Molly’s hand he failed miserably, my favourite type of failure! It actually looked like his hand passed through the object, and the whooshing sound made it seem so real.

With practice, Sam was finally able to physically pass through the door – it looked spectacular, I mean it took him longer than it took me to learn, but I guess not all ghosts are as smart as me. Anyway, you could really see his whole body pass through the door frame – how the heck did they do that?! The flashing lights that went off as he did so made us feel as exhilarated as Sam did when he passed through completely.

When Sam met the subway ghost - who moved various objects that the train commuters were holding - it was breathtaking (not that I can breathe – but you know what I mean!) A boy’s hat, a woman’s bag, a coffee cup and a newspaper all floated into the air – as though someone was using the wingardium leviosa spell! The subway ghost guy really needs to show me how he does that!

After this the audience was introduced to Oda Mae Brown - the only character who could hear Sam. How awful to not have anyone able to hear you (not that anyone listens to me anyway). What a character! She was brilliantly played and a clear audience favourite. Through her, Sam communicated with Molly, making her believe in life after death (and so she should!).

After an emotional song revealed that Carl had set up his murder (this is why I don't have friends) they received a standing ovation! And I don't normally feel sympathy, but I did find myself holding back the tears watching Molly perform ‘With You’.

I'm sorry to say that things didn't get better for Sam in the second act. His treacherous ‘friend’ Carl made a move on Molly back at her flat. As if killing Sam wasn't enough! Luckily, Sam managed to knock a photo over before anything actually happened.

After an intense song about what it's like to be a ghost (‘Focus’ – which perfectly sums it up, thank you very much) Sam managed to move a paper bag across the stage. It moved all by itself! I sense a use of the accio charm here… seriously, how did they do it?

Oda Mae was surprised to find her séance parlour crawling with ghosts! Luckily for me, I don't need a séance parlour, I just moan to people directly (which is much more fun if you ask me). One very enthusiastic ghost jumped into Oda Mae’s body. The boy playing him completely disappeared and Oda Mae actually looked like there was another spirit moving her– what great acting, it almost seemed real. Now, I've never possessed anybody before - it's seems rather unhygienic - but I'm pretty sure that's what it would look like.

The ghost of Sam’s killer got what he deserved. Whilst witnesses crouched over his dead body, mysterious demon-like creatures lifted him up and took him to hell…good riddance! I'm not pleased with how I died but I'm certainly glad that didn't happen to me - I'm sure those desperate cries for help will haunt my dreams…that is, if I could sleep!

The scene in Carl’s office – when Sam’s menacing voice is heard, although he’s nowhere to be seen – was especially effective. When the books on the shelves start flying off, well… let's just say it wasn't only Carl who jumped. I'm not sure if ghosts can wet themselves but I nearly found out there and then! Were the crew using stunning spells backstage? I don't see any other way that could have been done.

If that wasn't mind-boggling enough, Carl's phone then randomly started floating mid air! Talk about freaky! I know Harry Potter has an invisibility cloak – someone must have one in the crew! How else would it work? There was only Carl on stage and his hands were nowhere near the phone. I'm starting to believe there was some serious magic involved.

I'm normally a tough shell to crack, but I couldn't hold it in when Molly and Sam were desperate to hold each other once more (I'm quite sure a few muggles heard my moans from inside the wall because I saw a few surprised expressions when people turned around).

Oda Mae decided to let Sam use her body to dance with Molly – how bizarre! I would never volunteer my body for such purposes! Not that anybody would want my acne-ridden, pale face with my pigtails and big round glasses…anyway.

We watched Oda Mae and Molly waltz rather awkwardly around while a gorgeous purple lighting illuminated the stage, getting brighter and brighter until we couldn't see the characters. They dimmed again, revealing Sam in Oda Mae’s place, a golden light reflecting on him. It was the most romantic thing I've ever seen!

I know I'm moaning Myrtle, but just for tonight, I'm now merry Myrtle – because I don't see how anyone could moan about this show! The acting was incredible, the songs will be stuck in my head and I shall sing them to pass the time in the girls’ bathroom back home, but most importantly, it made a great change from the bleak, damp walls of a toilet cubicle.

Congratulations to all cast and crew behind the show, and the one thing I'll say is to Sam – if eternal paradise isn't all it's cracked up to be…you can share my toilet.